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12 hints for eating plant-based at a restaurant: without being an a-hole

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Because nobody likes an a-hole.

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Being nice to everyone when dining out applies no matter what your diet restrictions are.

If you have severe food allergies, you need to be upfront, and sometimes you might be an asshole, that’s ok. Because if [insert food] is going to kill you, it matters. But I don’t need to tell you that. This post is an unfussy take on dining out when you demand more than just dressing on the side and no mayo please.

If I showed a server the list of my food preferences it would say:

plant-based [vegan]
dairy-free
gluten-free
organic-if-possible, then follow the dirty dozen 
really light on the oil if you can’t do oil free, no safflower, sunflower or corn oil
no corn
no oats
no dressing
cross-contamination is okay
with a squeeze of lemon

I waited tables in college. I didn’t know what plant-based, or most of the things on today’s list even were. I don’t expect servers to know this stuff today either.

I don’t say the V-word

The word “vegan” and “vegetarian” can mean slightly different things to different people. I also don’t really identify with the label vegan.

a dozen ways to not be an asshole at a restaurant:

  1. go online + read the menu, 80% of the time I find gluten-free / vegan menu’s or nutritional info online
  2. call. When the online menu isn’t clear or even available, call ahead, tell them your deal-e-o. Most of the time, they’ll flag your reservation, you’ll get extra special attention and nothing on your plate that will give you the farts
  3. ask for alternate menus. Many restaurant’s have separate gluten-free or veg-friendly menus. This makes everyone’s life easier.
  4. analysis. This kind of analysis doesn’t require a CPA. Scan the menu, look at salads, appetizers and sides. Do they have a portobello burger? a roasted red pepper garnish? corn chips? salsa? guacamole? baked potatoes? Maybe you can ask for a portobello and roasted red peppers on your salad?
  5. mix n’ match sides to make your perfect meal, some ideas: potatoes with sauteed spinach and mushrooms, taco salad with salsa and guac, rice and bean bowls with sauteed veggies
  6. be clear. Order what sounds good, ask if things are cooked in butter, then request they use something else, ask if that veggie burger has cheese or wheat in it (9 times out of 10, restaurant veggie burgers are processed and have wheat in them).
  7. be reasonable. At a ma + pop restaurant in the middle of nowhere? For the love of god, don’t ask for a special menu. You might eat iceberg lettuce, a plain baked potato and fries here because there won’t be options. Suck it up and order a big glass of wine or a big ass beer and quit yer whining.
  8. take a risk. If you’re in a fancy-ish restaurant, tell the server your preferences then ask for a surprise. I once told a server that I eat vegan and gluten-free and am not picky, then I asked the chef to surprise me. This will usually result in envy-inducing meals and possibly the best meal of your life.
  9. lie. Sometimes it’s really much easier to say you’re allergic to dairy than to explain things like you don’t eat dairy, but a trace won’t bug you. Just lie to keep it simple. This can be especially handy if a server isn’t pickin’ up what you’re puttin’ down.
  10. be nice. Do I really need to say this? If they screw up and leave croutons on your salad, or a hunk of cheese you can easily take off, do it yourself, don’t whine, and eat your damn food. If there’s cheese baked INTO your food that’s impossible to pick out in less than a few minutes send it back politely.
  11. tip well. For the love of all vegans, vegetarians, flexitarians, gluten/soy/corn/nut-free, eaters, TIP YOUR SERVER!!!! Did you know they make less than minimum wage and rely on tips? Help give those with diet-demands a good reputation.
  12. say thanks. To the server, chef, manager, host, or all of the above. If it went great say thanks, if it didn’t, offer constructive and kind [see #9] feedback. Write a blog post, a public review on Yelp or Google, or a hand-scribbled thank-you note. You’ll help that restaurant win more business which will keep ‘em around longer!

What not to do: 

  1. be an asshole. ever. Unless maybe you tell them you’re severely allergic to cashews and they sprinkle them all over  your noodles soaked in cashew sauce.

 

What are your tips to navigate restaurants without leaving hungry or with explosive diarrhea?

What tips did you learn that you’ll try next time you go out to eat?

 

 


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